Drift Away
by leanne4526
Summary: One-shot. After Last Sacrifice. Rose is at her breaking point because of everyone's ridicule and figures that there is only one way to end it all. Rated M for certain themes that appear in the story.


Rose's POV

I'm really into the concept of Karma right now. Karma balances the universe. For every good thing you do, there will be a positive reaction. For every negative thing you do, there is a negative one. And I'm learning how much of a bitch Karma can be.

Weeks after Adrian talked to me; I still felt the guilt of ruining those people's lives. Eddie's, his, hell…I even ruined Lissa's. She didn't want to be queen, no matter how good at it she is. And Jill…Jill wasn't raised royal. I just threw her to the sharks. We try and help her and include her in our group, but there is always tension between her and Lissa, also my fault.

I mentioned Karma earlier. Well my payback for all the atrocities has finally caught up to me, though not in the form I was expecting. I was expecting to be injured, or even killed, by a Strigoi. But no. That would be too easy. Karma always affects the part of your life that you cherish the most. Which in my case is my social life.

It all started last week. Lissa was busy doing her monarchy duties and I was just sitting around in her office enjoying the food that came along with being royal. I made an offhand comment on how she should cut back on all the paperwork and reap the rewards of her position, and she looked up at me, her jade green eyes cold and unfriendly

"This isn't all fun and games Rose. Some of us actually have responsibilities. One's they didn't ask for. Maybe if I hadn't got elected, I would have time for you. But not right now. Maybe not ever. Go back to being a shadow Rose. It's what guardians are best at" she had said.

At that moment I was floored. Lissa had never said something like that to me. I couldn't even think of a witty response until later on, while going over what had happened. In that moment, all I was wondering is if it was Spirit possessing her to say something so rude. There was no way of knowing anymore though. And I know a rational person would have thought it was Spirit right away. Lissa was a gentle soul. She isn't one for being mean. She finds compromises in every situation.

I on the other hand, completely dismissed the idea of it being Spirit. I thought she actually hated me. That was the start of everything. As the weeks went by, one by one my friends turned on me. It was slow at first. Just a lot of comments on my annoying behavior. Then it escalated into arguments, insults, and people, mostly me, getting hurt.

It hurt. I didn't know if they were doing this purposely, or if it was just their pent up feelings finally showing themselves. Either way, I went to my room every night and cried. Woke up, went through my daily routine, and went back to my room. Everything was robotic. It was worse than when Dimitri had turned.

I know a lot of people would say I was being overdramatic, but even Dimitri was fed up with me at this point. He spent more and more time with Lissa and Christian, and less and less time with me. Being alone is by far the worst feeling I had ever experienced. Worse than any of my battle wounds.

That's why I'm at this point in my life now. The point where I just want to give up. I don't want to live anymore. I always thought I would go out in battle, but I never expected it would be the mental battle I was waging with myself that would be my downfall.

This is what I am going through, and it is very real. I'm not being overdramatic; I'm just losing an impossible battle.

I will love you all forever. Please be safe. Live your lives.

Rose

I put the pen down, and reread what I had written. It wasn't much of an explanation, just a reiteration of the events in my perspective. But it will have to do I thought to myself.

I walked over and put the piece of paper on my pillow. It should be easy enough for them to find.

A moment of panic passed over me then. What if I got caught? What if something happens after I'm gone? Or worse, what if they don't care?

I shook my head and gave myself the mental pep talk I needed in order to pull off this act. I need to stay calm. I need to think of myself for once. I need to be strong enough to do this.

I had put a lot of thought in the past weeks as to how I was going to do it. I wasn't about to go cut myself, I saw how easy it was for Lissa to get caught that way. I wasn't going to hang myself or put a bullet through my head either. I was going for under dramatic right now. So I decided on pills. I've been through enough pain, I just want to drift away.

I sat down on my bed and took the pill bottles out of my drawer. I want to do this right. I pulled out my water bottle, and upended the first bottle. I didn't feel the effects at first, so I began swallowing pills from the second bottle as well.

And then the drowsiness set in, I was familiar with the feeling of dying. I mean, I had died twice already. This time was different though. It felt a lot more permanent.

I thought of the faces of all my friends, saving the best for last. DImitri. My Russian God. In my mind, his face had that easy smile on it, the one he got when it was only the two of us. And his eyes, they were like liquid chocolate. My only regret at that point was not getting to see him one more time before I died.

I took my last breath while awake, and plunged into a slumber I would never awaken from.


End file.
